5 years ago
Five years ago, we moved into our home in Ayorou. We had been in our new country a mere week & we moved into a converted mud house in a town in the middle of nowhere, 3 hours from the capital city, & couldn’t speak a lick of anything except English. We had no idea what we were doing & had no idea what lay ahead of us. We were just plain clueless!
But in the last five years, we’ve learned a thing or two & realized that we still sometimes have no clue what we are doing!
Five years ago, I had no idea how to speak French or Songhai. I could barely get out a greeting. I sometimes felt paralyzed by the language barrier & wanted nothing more than to speak!
Five years ago, I had no idea that I would come to call a village in the middle of a third world country my home. I had no idea I’d fall in love with dirt roads, animal trodden paths, mud brick homes & the faces of so many people that looked nothing like me. I had no idea I’d miss it more than anything 5 years later.
Five years ago, I had no idea what day to day life would look like in that village. I had no idea that I would sleep outside 9 months of the year. I had no idea that I would actually get used to it. I had no idea that it would be 108 degrees in my kitchen while I tried to cook.
Five years ago, I had no idea what having malaria felt like … or a scorpion sting … or being electrocuted. I would like to forget all of those, thank you.
Five years ago, I had no idea what it felt like to live among people that were so impoverished, so “without” on a daily basis, so lost & dying, worshipping a false god that could not save them. I had no idea the emotional toll it would take on me some days. I had no idea that I would beg for their salvation. I had no idea that God would grant me the grace to see Him answer my prayer over & over.
Five years ago, I had no idea what prayer could do. I had no idea that hundreds of people on the other side of the world would pray for & with me & that we would all see God be so faithful to answer prayer after prayer after prayer. I had no idea what God could do through the prayers of His saints.
Five years ago, I had no idea what it was like to be a mother. And then … and then … May 15, 2008 came & I held the most beautiful baby girl in my arms. I had no idea that I would literally hurt with how much I loved this little girl. I had no idea what a mother’s love was until that day. I had no idea how much more I would love her day after day. I had no idea how much more I would love my God because of this gift He gave me. I had no idea how much more I would love my husband. I had no idea that I could feel this kind of intense love for a human being.
Five years ago, I had no idea that almost 2 years later I would feel it all over again. I had no idea that my love for my children would double. As I held my precious baby boy on that snowy morning in February 2010, my heart literally ached inside of me all over again for how much I loved him. I had no idea that I could love him so much & still love his sister equally.
Five years ago, I had no idea how hard it was to be a mother. I had no idea how fulfilling it was yet how hard it was to raise 2 children. I had no idea that it would be harder than sleeping outside for 9 months of the year or getting malaria or a scorpion sting. I had no idea that I would have to pray daily for grace, patience & wisdom to raise my children in the Lord. I had no idea that I would have to ask for forgiveness so many times for failing. I had no idea how much grace the Lord could show me.
Five years ago, I had no idea that Mark Phillips would be a father. I had no idea that I would fall in love with him all over again the moment I saw him with that little girl in his arms. I had no idea what a great father he would be. I had no idea how much he would bless me & serve me by being the father to our children. I had no idea that I would love him this much more than I did five years ago.
Five years ago, I had no idea that one word would rock my world: dementia. I had no idea that I would learn to grieve the living. I had no idea how to do that. I don’t know if I still know. I had no idea that I would be worlds away from the people I love as my world crumbled. I had no idea that I would wrestle over & over & over again for an answer, for something to cling to & be left with God’s Word & His grace only. I had no idea how much His grace is sufficient for me.
Five years ago, I had no idea that I would not be the same person I was five years ago. I had no idea how much God would teach me about myself by bringing me to this devastated land. I had no idea how much He would teach me about Himself in a dry & weary land where there is no water. I had no idea that I would love Him more than life. I had no idea how great a God He truly is. I had no idea.
I still think I have no idea sometimes. I definitely have no idea what the next 5 years hold. But I know that whatever God brings my way or wherever He takes me, He will show me more of Him.
Here is the link to see the pictures with this post: http://www.phillipsfamilyblog.com/2011/10/5-years-ago.html